On today’s episode of The Addicted Mind Podcast, Duane talks with relationship maven Abby Medcalf. Abby is a psychologist, author, podcast host, and a TEDx speaker. Abby is the author of the #1 Amazon best-selling book, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do A Thing and host of the top-rated Relationships Made Easy Podcast. 

Abby is in long-term recovery from heroin. She was very functional and very good at hiding it for many years. Along her journey of recovery, she got a business degree and eventually started counseling her colleagues and helping them improve their relationships. That marked the beginning of her beautiful journey from self-recovery to helping people recover in life and relationships. Abby has helped thousands of people think differently so they can create connection, ease, and joy in their relationships. With over 30 years of experience, Abby is a recognized authority and sought-after speaker at organizations such as Google, Apple, AT&T, Kaiser, PG&E, American Airlines, and Chevron. 

Today, Abby shares some key insights from her book. She also touches on taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and the things you can do to change them. Abby has a ton of positive energy that she brings to this episode along with practical advice and steps backed up by research to help you feel better and change your life. 

In this episode, you will hear:

  • Abby’s journey through heroin addiction recovery.
  • The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, but connection.
  • What is compassionate responsibility?
  • Why you need to stop hitting the snooze button.
  • How to keep yourself in positive momentum all day.
  • What is the Reticular Activating System (RAS)?
  • The reason people are not connecting.
  • Planning your feelings like you plan your day.

Key Quotes:

[06:10] – “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety – it’s connection.”

[06:37] – “You can be happily married and in a happy relationship if you’re not married, even if your partner won’t do anything because it’s all about what you do.”

[08:10] “You’re the dominant vibration. Have other people calibrate to you, don’t you calibrate to them. And this is part of taking responsibility.”

[12:47] – “If you can just take one thing from your gratitude list, really feel it, feel the state of it, and be in it, you will have so much more bang for your buck than writing 15 pages of something.”

[16:33] – “Going places sometimes where no one knows you, you do have that chance to start over again.” 

[18:29] – “The reticular activating system or RAS is your filter between your conscious and your subconscious mind. When you consciously think of something, it sends it as an order or an instruction to the subconscious to look for it.”

[21:04] – “Our conscious brains process information at a rate of 50 bits per second, while our unconscious or subconscious brains process information at a rate of 11 million bits per second.”

[23:04] – “Why aren’t we connecting? It’s because people hear what you mean, not what you say. They can feel where that’s from.”

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Supporting Resources:


Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do A Thing 

Relationships Made Easy Podcast